


after dark

by wenkwonkwank



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Parting Ways, Sad, Sneaky Kiss, YeonBin whipped but in-denial at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:14:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28694526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wenkwonkwank/pseuds/wenkwonkwank
Summary: And in between those breaking down, he doesn’t know when had caught feelings for Yeonjun nor he did not know when it escalated to something deeper.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	after dark

**Author's Note:**

> CONGRATS TXT FOR WINNING A BONSANG!!!!

For the fifth time this week, Soobin stayed inside their dorm and didn’t eat out for dinner with the members. It was unusual, given how everyone knows Soobin loves to eat until his jaw grew tired from chewing and how his busy schedules don’t really affect his appetite because he even manages to eat in his breaks if he had the chance. 

The members were worried from the first time he asked to stay behind, and they were definitely alarmed this fifth time. They already had a hint of what had happened to Soobin but didn't want to pry and would just wait for their leader to open up. So for now, they decided to become subtle in being more or less a worry-wat for him. 

“You sure you don’t wanna go?” Beomgyu would ask Soobin every time, before he goes out the door of their room to eat with the others. Soobin felt sorry for how Beomgyu was trying 5x more cheerful than he used to when they’re in their room. Miraculously even took the time to fold some of their clothes that are lying on the floor. Such a rare sight indeed, Soobin can get used to this tidier sleep space.

On the third night of not eating out, Gyu had resorted to a slapstick comedy where he purposely stepped on one of his shirts that was lying on the floor and fell on his butt. Their whole dorm shook, and even Hueningkai who was playing a video game (begrudgingly) decided to check if one of them had cracked open their skull. (Luckily, they didn’t).

Soobin was just glad how Beomgyu's mood didn't seem to falter when he was always radiating gloomy vibes inside their room. He always managed to ask the younger to watch a movie with him to show him that he was _okay_ and thankful for his concern. But minutes in the movie, as expected, Beomgyu was already sleeping soundly like a ball of cotton beside him.

Meanwhile, Taehyun’s way of showing concern was always making sure to put a warm hand on Soobin's shoulder and say, "You know I'm here hyung, right?" In which Soobin would just answer with a nod and a small smile. That small gesture of Taehyun always made Soobin feel soft and almost cry. Taehyun is always there for him since trainee days, he sure kept him grounded for most days. 

Soobin would always take time to sneak Teahyun a hug before he goes to bed. Despite complaints or sometimes physical protests coming from the younger, Soobin knows the younger secretly likes being hugged or even being spooned. (You know, tsundere things). Last night, Soobin back hugged Taehyun when he was brushing his teeth, it didn’t end up well. (Taehyun ‘accidentally’ spilled water on Soobin’s pajamas. “Thought you were Beomgyu-hyung”, Soobin just had to raise an eyebrow on that.)

Probably what had kept Soobin’s sanity the most these past few days was Hueningkai. The youngest’s quirky antics never failed to put a smile on his face. Even the saddest movie of all time would be a comedy if he’s watching it with Kai. From the first night of not eating out, Huening would cuddle with Soobin while saying that he’ll grow past Soobin sooner than he thinks so he should savor every moment where he could still small spoon him.

\--

“Hyung, we’re having beef tonight, you sure you don’t wanna come?” Taehyun peeked from their room door while putting his mask on. “Beomgyu-hyung’s gonna pay”

Soobin could hear Beomgyu’s objections from across the hallway of their dorm. He simply shook his head and offered a small smile. 

“Call me if you change your mind”, Taehyun reluctantly closed the door of their room.

Soobin turned the air condition up, nested himself in his big white comfy blanket while blasting the loudest Taylor Swift and Day6 songs in his earphones. He hummed to himself, hoping to sleep sooner. 

It was maybe after hours or maybe minutes, Soobin didn’t know because he dozed off earlier than expected, when he heard a knocking on the door. He’s sure that he didn’t lock it before sleeping and was also pretty much sure he didn’t get up from his bed since 5PM. 

He kicked his blanket down to his feet and stomped his way to the door. He swore to God that if it’s Beomgyu, then he should be ready to meet Him soon.

“You know, I didn’t lock th-- Oh” Soobin stopped mid-way when a pink-haired man with his bare-face and beanie on was standing in front of him. “Hyung…”

“Soobinie”

The silence was thick, enough to make their throats dry. A lot of unsaid words hung in the air and both of them knew that any moment from now, it could burst. And yet, no one dared to break the fragile atmosphere they’re at.

Their eyes met. Their heart sped up. Soobin fumbled the ends of his pyjamas while Yeonjun bit the bottom of his lips.

Yeonjun decided to break the ice. “We have to talk”

“There’s nothing to talk about” Soobin shut him off instantly. He knows that if they’ll talk about it, it will leave him more broken than he is now. He doesn’t want that nor he could handle that. So he had to toughen up, it's _now or never_.

Yeonjun’s face contorted to the most hurt and offended way Soobin had ever seen and he hated how he had the urge to smoothen the rough lines on the other’s face.

“This is not just about us, Soobin. This is also hurting the team”

“Exactly” Soobin’s hands flew up. “We are going to hurt us- the other members!”

“Then you would have thought about that when we first kissed” Yeonjun’s hands curled to balls, trying to fight the tears from escaping his eyes.

The moment of their first kiss suddenly flashed from both of their minds. It was shared with a couple of drinks to celebrate another win at a music show. The younger three were busy playing outside the door while the two eldest decided to revel their victory through some soju and beer. There was nothing special to account for the kiss. It was quick and playful. It would have been easy to brush off and forgotten if it weren’t for their blushing faces and skipping hearts.

“We were both drunk that time, Yeonjun! It was nothing but a peck” he countered. His eyebrows furrowed as hard as possible and he didn’t even notice how his grip on the doorknob tightened.

“Then how can you explain the kiss five days ago?” Yeonjun’s voice wavered, it was so close to breaking. He pushed his hair back and leaned on the nearest wall. His eyes were fixed to the floor as if meeting Soobin’s eyes were the last thing he would do. He stayed that way for a moment, waiting for Soobin’s answer.

There was something stuck on Soobin’s throat. Sadness? Confusion? Rage? Regret? Whatever it might be, held Soobin back from answering. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to answer at all.

The kiss (kisses per se) five days ago was not any different from what they've done before. It was alternating from quick pecks to long tongue-filled ones. For whatever it is, they both enjoyed it. They were supposed to be watching a movie Taehyun recommended to Soobin and just like any free night, he invited Yeonjun over to watch it with him.

Like both of them expected, the night turned out to be more of a make-out session than a movie night, but none of them actually cared. 

Unlike what they've usually done, Yeonjun stopped from their breathy session to ask Soobin. "What are we exactly?"

Soobin froze on the spot and blinked more times than necessary. _What are we_ , he repeated inside his head. Suddenly all the conflicts and possible outcomes flooded his head. It made him overwhelmed. The voices of their teammates, staff, and fans clouding his thoughts. 

He thought of his fans that cheered him on even before his debut. Their members who he had shared and depended on for all his youth. The staff who worked hard behind the curtains. His parents supported him and his dream. Yeonjun who worked hard all those years to be where he is right now. Himself that gave up a normal life to pursue idol career. 

He felt responsible for all those things. He is the leader, he can't risk anything especially when they're in the path to great success. Before things could get any messier, he knows it isn't too late for him to stop. He SHOULD stop.

"Hyung, get out" he said lowly, eyes fixed on the laptop screen that was left unwatched hours ago. 

Confusion washed over Yeonjun's face, eyebrows furrowed as he leaned away from the younger. "What? You can't do--"

"HYUNG, I SAID GET OUT!" Soobin didn't mean to shout but he did. He pushed Yeonjun out of his bed. 

It caught the other members' attention that they even ran to the room to see what it was but they stopped at the door, sensing that it was not their place to stick their nose at. 

Yeonjun turned his face away and silently walked out the bed, out the room. He slowly closed the door and looked at Soobin for the last time. 

Soobin fought himself to not look at Yeonjun one more time but it was too late. Hurt was the last thing he had seen on the older's face. It was the expression he had seen from the other these past five days.

After a few moments of silence and reminiscing, Yeonjun looked up and met the younger’s eyes. “Or the week before that? Or even the months before that?” This time, Yeonjun’s voice sounded so small and desperate, even his eyes can’t conceal the overflowing emotions he is feeling right now. “Soobin, explain that to me”

What had gotten stuck on Soobin’s throat was now going out his eyes. He’s crying and he knows that it will take a while before he can stop the tears flowing out.

The kisses they shared replayed in Soobin's mind. No more excuses of alcohol in their systems to blame, they were sober and hyperaware. 

The second kiss happened when they just woke up the morning they shared their first. Their hands unconsciously found their way to each other early that morning when they're making hot coffee and the next thing they knew, their lips softly landed on each other. 

The other one was on the night before Yeonjun's birthday, when everyone else was sleeping soundly inside the room. They were watching a comedy movie, waiting for the clock to strike 12 but everyone eventually dozed off. The atmosphere was not romantic at all especially when the other members were crowding them but it was not enough to stop them. When their lips were connected, it just felt right.

As for the other kisses, they were longer, crazier, feverish, and breathtaking.

One was even shared at the place where they are exactly standing at right now. 

“It was nothing” he let out in the middle of the snobs, wiping the tears away, and ignoring the memories that just flashed in his mind. 

Yeonjun reached out to put his hands over Soobin's head to comfort him but retracted the moment he realized what he was doing. 

Everything that has been bothering them these past days- weeks- months were exposed in thin air. The big elephant in the room suddenly addressed. It felt like they were submerged in ice water for too long and someone suddenly poured boiling water over them. 

Despite knowing the outcome of what they had done the moment they did it, it still hurts. It fucking hurts. 

"Okay" Yeonjun's hands were now inside the pockets of his jogging pants. "Tell me what you're scared of."

Soobin scoffed. He wanted to laugh on how Yeonjun could just deliberately discard all the obvious possibilities and consequences of what they did as if it was hard to think of it. 

"Our members, the company, our fans-- OUR FAMILIES for crying out loud Yeonjun. Do you think _this_ will work?" Soobin pointed to both of them to emphasize what he was saying. 

"We could hide it. We could try, Soobin!" Yeonjun pleaded. It strung Soobin's heart but he did not let it resonate throughout his body. 

"And what? Expect that everything will smooth sail from there?"

"NO! we still have to try ha--"

"Our not-so-sure relationship in exchange for everyone's trust and our careers?" Soobin stopped from crying. Baffled is what he was right now. "How can you say that? You, of all people! You should know how hard it was to train for years, to be just a nobody in this harsh industry! We gave up a lot. Our families endured a lot too."

Only Soobin's hard breathing was heard inside the dorm. It felt like the whole world was intently listening to them for the lack of noises in their environment. Even their usually noisy shower heater isn't making any sound right now. 

"Hyung, let's say that we 'successfully' hidden our relationship. We all know it'll only guarantee us a few years. If we're exposed, then what comes next?"

Another eerie silence filled the air. 

"I know our members will accept us but do you honestly think they'll be at ease knowing that their careers are also on the line?"

Silence.

"I've come terms with who I am a few years back but I don't know…" another sob came out of Soobin. "It always made me feel like a monster... how my parents- my mom, hyung! on how they would grimace at homosexuality when it is presented at the table"

This time, Yeonjun let himself place a hand over Soobin's shoulder, offering him comfort.

Soobin crouched down and hugged his knees. He’s now curled up like a ball, guilt, regret, and sadness overflowing within him. Yeonjun followed suit and enveloped the younger in his arms, drawing small circles on his back. 

At the times like these, he had always found Yeonjun to be by his side. He doesn’t know how many times he broke down in front of the older, he’s sure it’s more than his fingers on his hands and feet could count. And in between those breaking down, he doesn’t know when had caught feelings for Yeonjun nor he did not know when it escalated to something deeper. Deeper in a sense that could make his heart physically clench even now.

“As much as I want this- us to happen”, Soobin looked up to meet Yeonjun’s eyes. “Don’t you think you’re… we’re being too selfish, hyung?”

Yeonjun held the gaze and eventually stopped circling Soobin’s back. 

If stares could make someone explode, Soobin would’ve found himself in a million tiny pieces right now. The intensity in Yeonjun’s eyes right now could not compare with those he had in PUMA’s stage nor any other instances. 

Gently, Yeonjun retracted his arms and stood up. Soobin looked away this time again, not wanting to make that mistake again and see the expression on the other one’s face.

Yeonjun might’ve sense that and put a light arm over Soobin’s head and gently stroked his hair, as if he was telling him to look at him one last time before everything between them change. He tucked his hair behind his ears but a few stubborn strands went back. 

Soobin looked up, giving all his strength not to let the tears go out of his eyes, closing his fists as hard as possible. 

“I guess… this is goodbye” Yeonjun offered him a sincere smile, probably the realizations and consequences that were slapped to his face earlier made him come to this decision. Soobin smiled back weakly.

Yeonjun bent down to kiss Soobin’s soft cheek for maybe the last time. The tracks of tears still fresh. _Salty._ But Yeonjun smiled at that taste, at least it made everything true, that it WAS real and not just part of a fever dream.

“I love you, Soobin" he whispered to Soobin's ear. 

He walked away silently. Leaving tracks of what could have been their relationship with every step, stopping it before anything solid could be formed.

The doorknob felt colder in Yeonjun's hands. Finding no strength to turn it, he squeezed his eye shut only to find tears escaping his eyes.

Soobin felt braver, knowing there won't be another chance to do this anymore. Knowing that the pain he is feeling right now will be just another reason for him to look forward and work harder. 

He followed Yeonjun with his eyes, savoring every moment, every step that he was his.

 _"I love you too, Yeonjun"_ Soobin whispered in empty space, in hopes that the air will eventually lead it to Yeonjun.

With a few more seconds of hesitation and swirl of emotions, the door opened.

Yeonjun closed the door of their dorm, with a newfound strength to let go of something that was never his but always felt like it was his. 

Soobin was left inside, with a glimmer hope of everything will be alright soon.

And what had happened tonight and the nights before were just part of a story never to be told. A story without a beginning but with a tragic ending.

**Author's Note:**

> TXT winning the Bonsang helped me finish this! Hope you somehow enjoyed reading this!!!!
> 
> tbh, idk how to name this fic so i just went with the original, After Dark, which kind of means the world of idols behind the screen or after dark/after work hahaha
> 
> Leave me some comments if you want! And if you all want to talk or something, here's my twt: [@choibeomgyuhan](https://twitter.com/choibeomgyuhan?s=09)


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